Brent Batten: Tallahassee laying down the laws

People who follow the inner workings of Tallahassee tell us the Legislature will tackle a few big issues — the budget, redistricting, maybe casino gambling — and little else during the session just under way.

But surely crafting a $66 billion spending plan when only $64 billion is available, redrawing political boundaries of hundreds of legislative districts, each one vitally important to the legislator now representing it and perhaps changing forever the character of tourism in the state and thereby changing forever the very character of the state itself can't take 60 whole days, can it?

There should be plenty of time left over for senators and representatives to consider other, less monumental matters. Fortunately, there are plenty of such matters waiting in the wings to be heard.

Among the 1,740 bills filed as the session began Tuesday are ones focusing on track and field at the University of Florida, zeroing in on the menace of adulterated syrup and refining the existing law against waging war on the people of the state.

Here is a sampling of some of the bills you may not read about as the session progresses, along with commentary you may end up wishing you hadn't read as well.

■ House Bill 927, Senate Bill 310 and a handful of other bills seek to add new specialty license plates to the array of designs already available. Added to the 120 or so specialty plates offered in Florida would be a Silver Star license plate, a Navy Cross license plate, a Go Green license plate, a Sun, Sea and Smiles license plate and a Big Brothers/Big Sisters license plate. Rumor has it that next year legislators will propose a Specialty License Plate license plate, touting Florida as the Specialty License Plate capital of the world. Proceeds from the sale of Specialty License Plate license plates will go toward developing more specialty license plates in the future.

■ House Bill 627 deals with the problem of bullying in public schools. Legislators who fail to support the bill will have their arm twisted behind their back until they say, "Uncle."

■ House Bill 1009 authorizes the conversion of low-speed vehicles to golf carts. Thank goodness someone has mustered the courage to address the critical shortage of golf carts plaguing Florida.

■ House Bill 1207 directs the Department of Motor Vehicles to study the risks of autonomous technology vehicles on public roads. Once remote-control vehicles are declared street-legal, it will no longer be safe to assume that the car with no apparent driver is simply a retiree who can't see over the steering wheel heading to the store to buy lottery tickets.

■ Senate Bill 1708 provides penalties for picking pecans on public property. Also known as the "Try Saying That Three Times Fast Bill."

■ Senate Bill 300 recognizes "Merry Christmas" as the State of Florida's official greeting for Dec. 25. So the state trooper who pulls you over for doing 90 on your way to dinner at grandma's house will be compelled by law to offer a cheery, "Merry Christmas," along with the $272 ticket.

■ Senate Bill 7042 changes the date of primary elections in Florida. To finally make the state relevant, Florida's 2016 presidential preference primary will be held on Wednesday, Nov. 7, 2012.

■ House Bill 299 would make it illegal to engage in texting while driving. LMAO.

■ Senate Bill 1030 would designate the barking tree frog as the official state amphibian. It would replace the previous state amphibian, the guy who steals money from trusting senior citizens.

■ Senate Bill 938 recognizes Saturday, Feb. 4, 2012 as the 150th anniversary of Bacardi Rum. Aides say legislators don't normally work on Saturdays, but in this case they'll make an exception.